Choosing Connection in a World Built for Speed

When Starbucks introduced the order-ahead feature on their app, I was staunchly against it. Not because I didn’t like the convenience of it, but because I worried it was one more way for us to lose the opportunity to connect, human to human.

Years later, I’m a regular order-ahead user. I switched because I realized so many people were ordering ahead that if I order at the store, it takes so much longer than it used to. So reluctantly, I use it. And, if I’m being honest, I do appreciate the convenience when I’m in a hurry. But now, I work harder to ensure the employees hear me say “hello” and “thank you”.

This morning I walked in to pick up my pre-ordered London Fog and bacon and gruyere egg bites, and the Starbucks team shouted a loud “welcome in.” It was a more enthusiastic welcome than usual and I noticed. My drink was ready before my food. As I approached the pick-up counter, one barista complimented my dress, asked it if had pockets (it does), and we got into a short chat about why all dresses should have pockets. Later, when my food was ready that same barista called out “Miss Paula” like she knew me and asked if I had any fun plans for the weekend. Another quick chat ensued about good times on the eastern shore. As I departed, I asked her name and thanked her for giving my day a good start. I walked to my car and felt genuinely grateful for the exchange.

Life moves so fast these days and our tolerance for human connection has waned, despite the fact that it helps us thrive. I’m old enough to remember when the answering machine was new technology (the one with the tiny cassette tape), and later the introduction of call waiting. If the phone rang in the house, we each raced to answer it, so excited that somebody was reaching out, and hoping the call was from somebody special. Today, we schedule phone calls and apoligize for leaving voicemail messages, because, who has time to listen to those?

As technology creates more conveniences and fosters more productivity, the unintended consequences are the loss of human connection. I’m not against any of it—I use AI and appreciate how it helps me think through ideas I’m trying to bring to life, for example. And sometimes AI is a better listener and more empathetic than some people in my life. The other day I was literally in tears because I was struggling with an issue and AI made me feel heard. But as much as I appreciate AI, it is not a replacement for the genuine understanding, witnessing, mirroring, and compassion that comes only through human-to-human interaction.

So today, we need to work harder at building and maintaining human connection.

Sitting in circle is part of the solution. When women gather in circle we stop the distractions, slow the conversation, and allow each voice equal time and presence. We are present, we hold space, we listen, and we feel what it is to be in genuine connection with another human.

Next time I’m in Starbucks I’ll look for that barista. I’ll be reminded of how a few genuine seconds made me feel seen. That's not an insignificant thing. That's the thing we're quietly losing, one convenience at a time.

I'm not encouraging you to delete the apps or skip the order-ahead. I'll still use them. But I am encouraging you to notice where you can choose real connection instead of defaulting to speed, and to give yourself a place where that connection isn't left to chance.

That's what circle is. No performing. No pretending. Just women showing up as they are, witnessing one another, and remembering together what it feels like to be fully human.

If you're ready for that kind of connection, come sit with us in circle.